Savour the Seasons
  • BLOG
  • About
    • About me
    • Why savour the seasons?
  • Shop
  • CONTACT

When to quit

13/1/2021

14 Comments

 
Picture
"The question of attention in the age of digital media may ultimately come down to the question of limits, the acceptance of which may be the condition of a more enduring joy and satisfying life. What digital media promises on the other hand is an experience of limitlessness exemplified by the infinite scroll. It tempts us to become gluttons of the hyperreal. There is always more, and much of it may even seem urgent and critical. But we cannot attend to it all, nor should we. I know this, of course, but I need to remind myself more frequently than I’d care to admit."  
- M.ichael Sacasas, from his article: "Attention, Austerity, Freedom"


Earlier this month I quit instagram. 

I had spent almost six years sharing publicly: lovely photogenic bits of my life: farm, kids, meals, garden, sunsets, flowers in hand and crafty projects. Highlights and carefully curated lowlights, poems, recipes, thoughts. It was almost six years of watching other people's lives too, people I knew in real life and others I'd never met before - their faces, homes, artworks, babies, businesses, handmade clothes, coffee mugs, freshly baked loaves of bread. 

I joined in 2015 when everyone else seemed to be there. I was drawn to the visual nature of it: photos with little notes accompanying. It felt so much more interesting and enjoyable than other social media platforms that were focused on text and emojis. It also seemed a more convenient way to share (and follow) than writing and reading blog posts. The blog was dead, we all said. I had a toddler and a newborn baby, we were learning to farm and start a small business from scratch - it seemed the perfect place to document the journey: to fix the beautiful, ridiculous and important scenes in time. 

Then something began to shift in me, in the platform, my feed became a way to idealise my own experiences: an easy way to escape the monotony and difficulty of life with three tiny people dependant on me and a business that was holding on by fragile threads. I thought about it constantly, and in the middle of moments, how I could document and caption them later in a post. 

I loved how it gave me a sense of accomplishment, a reward for my doing. I loved how it seemed to justify and reinforce the life choices I had made. I loved how connected I felt to people, how it allowed me to do less real life socialising and the (more difficult) reaching out to friends and family through phone and email. I also loved how immediate the feedback was - almost instantly - the likes. I'd rationalise that the liking and comments weren't important: they weren't a reflection of me, or my worth - but in my body was a different story: the quick release of dopamine-laced warmth was something I wanted everyday if I could, and I was becoming addicted. 

I felt gripped, somehow beholden - like I couldn't leave but couldn't stay. I was spending on average 1.5-2.5 hours every on it. Scrolling, checking, reading, liking, watching stories, posting, re-reading my own posts and reviewing other people's posts I'd put in my bookmarked folders for ideas and inspirations (inevitably leading to looking up patterns and products).  I called it a "little hobby", "a non-essential", "a tool for decompressing" but really it took up a big part of my life. 

I tried extended breaks from it - some for a few weeks, the longest was four months. It would follow a predictable pattern: I would feel increasingly unhappy and overwhelmed using it, decided to leave for a while, delete the app from my phone, almost immediately feel better to no longer have the temptation to use it, followed days later by sadness and irritability (a withdrawal of sorts, with regular unlocking and locking of my phone), followed by calm relief, clarity, peacefulness. I would ask myself why I even used it anymore, and talk to friends and family who were willing to hear me ramble around in circles. Then I'd decide to return - download the app again - resolve to use the platform differently, with more boundaries and a lighter grip. It wasn't the platform, it was me I'd say, I can approach it differently! And I would, to begin with... but then I'd inevitably circle back to the uncomfortable, addictive mode. 

In the past twelve months I've read and listened to some really thoughtful, challenging articles, podcasts and books on how social media is changing us: our culture, politics and relationships (see bottom of this post for more references and links). I really believe we need to speak about our experiences and gather together to brainstorm some best practice tools for these platforms and the important needs they meet - as well as call for appropriate governmental industry regulation. 

I recently borrowed Jaron Lanier's books "10 Arguments for Deleting your Social Media Right Now" and "You are not a gadget" from my local library. I'd seen Lanier in the Netflix documentary, The Social Dilemma, last year and was intrigued in his perspective as a computer scientist and "internet pioneer" but also a philosopher and musician. He is deeply concerned about social media platforms that play into our human desires for attention, approval and connection, whilst also exacerbating addiction, sadness, alienation, irrational behaviour, intolerance and mob mentality. He asks why organisations that purport to be "for people" rely on the free sharing of data that is collected and sold, targeted advertising and algorithms aimed at modifying human behaviour that ultimately go against people. Pit people against each other. Lanier is not anti-technology, or anti-internet - quite the opposite - he is calling for more dialogue around how to nurture personal dignity and promote diverse and kind community within the online world. These lines of his really stood out to me: 

"The most important thing to ask about any technology is how it is changing people"

"If we associate human identity with the digital reduction instead of reality at large we will reduce ourselves" 


Between Christmas and New Year, I contemplated a 2021 without instagram. A proper twelve month break. But then the thought of moving on altogether, deleting my entire account and it's six year history became more and more appealing. A number of friends, independently of me and for various reasons, decided to leave for good. Some left due to concerns in IG's changing terms of use, some for personal reasons and mental health. 

In the end quitting instagram was my answer to an ongoing dilemma I found myself in. It felt good to realise I did have a choice and this could be mine. I know it doesn't "fix" the structural problems within the platform, or  my own baggage around why I became addicted. It also creates a new burden of exploring ways to stay in touch with friends and connections made primarily through it. I really do miss "seeing" the glimpses of life on there - the creative community and diverse, provocative voices. I need to make more effort now to seek those out in other ways. 

Quitting marks the end of a six year chapter - almost as old as my second born son. And while it is sad and painful in many ways, it has also made space and time in my life for something new. It has allowed me - so far - to rest, to contract, and to begin things I have long dreamed of like re-enrolling in my studies and in launching a monthly newsletter celebrating the seasons of life. 
Picture
Some things to consider if you are using social media and not enjoying it, or at least debating whether you should quit. Let's call it Eight Steps to Quitting Instagram:

Step 1. Ask yourself some questions
-Why am I using this platform? Has my “why” changed from when I first started?
-List the positives and negatives you experience using it. Is one list longer or are they even?
-Track average time spent using it each day or week. Multiply it by a month or a year for some perspective. Be curious, not judgemental. 
-If you want to stay, what would make it better for you? 
-If you want to quit, what is stopping you from doing it? 

Step 2. Talk your answers out with someone
Choose someone you trust to really listen to you  - not tell you what you should do - but really listen, dig deeper on those answers you wrote down to the questions. I found this step especially cathartic and clarifying (thank you lovely people who know who you are). 

Step 3. Try an extended break
Like a month or more. You could delete the app from you phone, ask someone to change your password or even disable your account if you feel that would help you get the break. Notice how you feel during the break: again, try writing some thoughts down. I usually found every time I had a break I felt pretty blue for the first few days. Like really sad, flat, unmotivated. I let myself feel that and try to be empathic... 

Step 4. Remember you have a choice
… to stay… to quit. It's yours. It's going to be different from your best friend, your spouse. You can quit and decide six months later you want to join again, or two years.

Step 5. If you want to quit, you can download your data
This is assuming you want to actually delete your account and thus wipe your data. If you want to keep a record of your posts, messages, photos, stories, comments, activity - you can actually request this from the company. Go to settings and in "security" you can click request your data. It took about two days to receive mine.

Step 6. Make a book or prints from your favourite posts
There are many companies that will allow you to link up your social media account and easily access your photos. This is NOT an advert but I have used Artifact Uprising, Vista Print and Snap Fish for photo book printing and even fairly happy with the results. Friends have recommended Chat Books and I’m sure there are dozens of others similar. 

Step 7. Ride the wave
This isn't really a step, or maybe it is. Ride the wave of letting go of something that was a big part of your life. Bake a cake. Dance a little dance. Have a cry. Light a candle. 
Picture
Helpful further reading and listening on the subject
​

Books:
10 Arguments for Quitting Social Media Right Now
by Jaron Lanier (2017)
You are not a gadget by Jaron Lanier (2010) 
Rage Inside the Machine:
The Prejudice of Algorithms, and How to Stop the Internet Making Bigots of Us All by Robert Elliot Smith (2020)
​
Podcasts:
CBC's Ideas Podcast with Nahlah Ayed
Episode: The Joy of Mediocrity, March, 2020
Episode: Engineering Humanity with Brett Frischmann Part I + II, April, 2020
Episode: CBC Massey Lectures with Ron Diebart 


Radio National's Big Ideas Podcast with Paul Barclay
Epsiode: The Inherent Prejudice of Algorithms, Jan, 2021
Epsiode: Ginger Forman on how trolling causes real-life harm, Nov 2020


Deep Brain Podcast
Episode: You can't hit unsend, Sep, 2019.

Articles:
- Mental Health and Social Media (ABC news)

- Athleisure, barre and kale: the tyranny of the ideal woman by Jia Tolentino (Guardian)
- Attention, Asterity, Freedom by Michael Sacasas of The Covivial Society 
14 Comments
Katie Mawson
14/1/2021 02:33:30 pm

Hi Emily!
I loved all of this! I have never really committed to sharing much about my own life on Facebook/Instagram. However, I use Facebook primarily as a way to have family group conversations. I have groups set-up for sharing photos and organising catch-ups. There are also other local groups that I am part of on there. Over time I have become more and more conscious of the amount of time I spend scrolling!! Way too much!! You echo many of my thoughts about this in what you have written. I have begun using Messenger more for family groups. It is definitely an on-going dillemma xo

Reply
emily clare sims link
14/1/2021 06:47:19 pm

Hello Katie! Thanks for you thoughtful message. I completely get what you're saying about how FB allows for those group chats and family sharing and community groups. What would we do without "Kyneton Buy Swap Sell"?! But... I wish it didn't feel so invasive and addictive, or rely on data collection and targeting advertising.

We may see the positive side of things on a personal level but there is no doubt that social media has exacerbated tensions at a societal level and I think increased intolerance, skepticism, conspiracies and racism more than remedied it. Not to mention the mental health challenges. Argh! It's not all bad of course... and a much bigger conversation, but I am glad we have choices.

I have found WhatsApp to be really great for family chats and less formal convos - without any temptation to scroll that FB has!

Looking forward to catch up soon xx

Reply
Kerrie
14/1/2021 02:56:08 pm

So good Emily. So honest. So interesting. I’ve thought a lot about this recently. Still undecided but you have given me great suggestions for making a decision.
Being in the later years of life I think I like the chance to see what’s happening in others lives with their families. During Covid it has been a link for me BUT at times I want to delete and throw my phone out the window...I then decide I need my nana nap! 😜
I appreciate your creativity and I certainly want to keep that part of my life.
Be encouraged. You are amazing and even in days when I have not left comment or like...I have appreciated many things and been influenced in many positive ways just because of you!
It’s exciting to hear your new ventures.

Much love.

Reply
emily clare sims link
14/1/2021 06:42:55 pm

Thanks for your lovely, thoughtful comments Kerrie. I will miss seeing you IG posts!

I agree with you that it's not easy to ditch social media, especially in these crazy times of lockdowns and added distance. I think there will always been gains and losses to our decisions to stay or leave a platform. I am determined to stay in contact with family and friends as best I can and maybe even find some new ways of connecting.

My elder sister and I are going to try "voice letters" where you record a long message and leave it for the other to listen to and respond to. This is easier than phonecalls with her living in the US and in the hectic life of mums!

Stay well lovely Kerrie, I hope we will get a "real life" cuppa in some time this year xx

Reply
LL
14/1/2021 03:46:34 pm

love this xx

Reply
emily clare sims link
14/1/2021 06:38:55 pm

Thanks my dear x

Reply
Laura Kapitula
14/1/2021 11:15:59 pm

Thanks for writing this and being open. I know with Covid this has become more a problem for me. I am not as much drawn to Instagram but find myself drawn to Facebook too much .

Reply
emily clare link
15/1/2021 08:13:08 am

Thanks Laura. I agree Covid has changed so much! But thankfully, hopefully, will not stay that way and afterwards we will seek out and appreciate those real life cups of tea and walks with friends and church services and dinners xx

Reply
Jeannette (Diber) link
16/1/2021 12:15:22 am

I don’t know if you ever listen to Sufjan Stevens, but in his new album, he writes a song that is a critique of social media called “Video Game.” I enjoyed the song when I first heard it, but it wasn’t until later that i really realized what it was about, which made it even more thought-provoking. Thought you might enjoy. (His sound is generally more folk-y sounding than this, so that change in timbre to electronic also intrigued me.)

https://youtu.be/3fCdZzsP4U0

Reply
emily clare link
16/1/2021 08:43:04 am

Hi Jeanette! Thanks for commenting. You know I read an interview with Sufjan about his new album and he talked about his distain for social media in it also. I've only listened to the new album once - I did find it a jarring departure from C&L (which I LOVED so much) but then I felt the electronic, layered, some dystopian sounds were very timely, fitting for the time we find ourself in. I will give this song another listen and look up the lyrics too. Always some wisdom to gather in Sufjan songs.

Reply
Grace Sheehan
18/1/2021 01:25:27 pm

Hello lovely Emily!
I thought I’d hop over to your blog for a peep and what a timely post. I’ve been off Instagram for a month now, the longest time I have been away from it since I started an account back in 2012. Today I decided that perhaps I was ready to let it go once and for all. A few loose ends to tie up first (downloading my data for example) but I definitely think it’s time. This past month has taught me a lot and I feel like your words are plucked directly from my thoughts! It’s a big step after being committed to something for 8 years or so! I have missed catching up with you and your posts so I’m really pleased I can keep in touch with you here xx

Reply
emily clare link
18/1/2021 05:09:15 pm

Hello lovely Grace!
Thank you for commenting and sharing where you are at with things. I absolutely know what you are saying about the commitment and investment of time. I don't believe it's wasted! It's okay to do something for a season, decide to change/close/continue.

Today I received two photo books I made with a selection of my instagram photos - each book spans about three years. To feel the weight of it in my hands was really moving. I felt glad for every photo in it and the memories they contain. As each day passes off IG, I also feel more content about my decision to quit.

Stay in touch, Em xxx

Reply
Anne link
8/2/2021 08:04:41 pm

Very thought provoking. After the initial 'fear of missing out', I really don't miss IG or FB. I craft or bake or whatever for myself with no thoughts of how instagrammable it might look and then getting bogged down by getting the perfect shot and I don't get swept up by the latest craze. The only downside is that it's made me question whether I should continue blogging. I don't sell anything so do I need to add to the digital overload? I'm still pondering that one.

Reply
emily clare link
9/2/2021 02:59:05 pm

Thanks for your comment Anne! I understand your pondering the future of the blog and digital overload, to me there is something still very compelling and valuable in sharing online in a slower, longer-format. I miss all the comment-conversation though!

I am thankful for the blogs I follow, and actually find it really refreshing when nothing is being sold/marketed alongside it.

I am really glad I made the choice to leave IG and FB. I have felt my senses become more attuned to the every day stuff of life somehow because I can't capture it quickly (and get the feedback), I've noticed my wants diminish for craft projects, recipes and materials. I have spent more time reading books and writing, sending off some longer emails to friends and even (the hardest for me) making more social phone calls! I think social media swallowed up more of my social energy than I realised and my deeper, important relationships got a bit neglected.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture

    ABOUT the author 

    Emily Clare Sims is a farmer and mama to three young boys. Each day she looks for ways to notice beauty, contemplate her faith and savour the seasons...

    Read more here


      Savour the season has a newsletter

    Subscribe to Newsletter
    Read my latest newsletter

    Categories

    All
    Advent
    Atumn
    Autumn
    Blessings
    Celebrations
    Christmas
    Community
    Easter
    EBooks
    Faith
    Family
    Farming
    Flora
    Food
    Forest
    Garden
    Gluten Free
    Home
    Journal
    Landscape
    Lent
    Making
    Memademay
    Motherhood
    Odes
    Places
    Poetry
    Reading
    Recipes
    Savourtheseason
    Savourtheseasons
    Seasons
    Sewing
    Sketches
    Skincare
    Slow
    Soap
    Spring
    Springtime
    Summer
    Winter
    Wintering


    Archives

    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    October 2017
    June 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    July 2015
    June 2015
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    August 2013
    November 2011
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009
    May 2009
    January 2009
    September 2008
    July 2008


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • BLOG
  • About
    • About me
    • Why savour the seasons?
  • Shop
  • CONTACT