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Coming Home, space making, Waiting and other lessons from quitting instagram

9/2/2022

4 Comments

 
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“The screen is the empty mirror where the simulated shadows of things relentlessly replace each other. In our craven fear of being forgotten, we remain glued to the empty window” 
​
- John O'Donohue


A year ago I decided to quit instagram and facebook. To delete my six year history of posts and catalogue of carefully curated squares of lovely and hard life: things baked, clothes made, babies birthed, eggs cleaned, poems penned, plants tended to. I wrote a blog about the decision to quit here. 

Thirteen months has given me room to ponder what it was I needed in that decision. 

First and foremost it gave me a sense of agency to let go, and in actually letting go, I noticed how good it felt to make a decision for myself that other people wouldn't necessarily want or accept or even need for themselves. A friend said leaving instagram was like "coming home to herself" and I couldn't agree more.

I also needed the gift of space it afforded me. What happened in the space freed from spending hours every day on instagram and facebook? It was simply absorbed in the day (and night) as little pockets of moments between the chores and doing and going - to simply be: to pause, to take more care or a deeper breath. These pockets, like the best placed, generous pockets of a beloved dress or coat, are warm and homely. They are essential to being comfortable, safe even, in the middle of the mess and clamour and unpredictability of life. I am sure there are ways to carve out digital pockets that are relaxing and constructive, and perhaps writing and reading blog posts and long-format news pieces is mine, but it still pales in comparisons to the real life sun-on-your-face pockets of pause and breath. I wouldn't cut them out now for anything. 

It has also given me a renewed appreciation for waiting, that easily neglected, yet necessary part of being human. I love Marnie Kennedy's reflections on waiting as a kind of prayerfulness:

"Instant knowledge, instant gratification, instant success are the messages of the media. However, waiting is of the essence of creatureliness and is the characteristic of genuine prayer, for it helps to purify the heart of impatience and consumer addiction. Waiting is in itself a deep place of revelation and leads to the unmasking of illusion, prejudice and fear"

I realised I could wait before taking a photograph of something beautiful or sharing something with friends or family. I could also wait before purchasing a new knitting pattern or ordering beautiful fabric to recreate something I'd see someone else make. I could wait before writing something that others would read in my newsletter, for ideas to come and go more gradually.  I could also wait for feedback which didn't come very often and was perfectly alright to keep creating and contemplating without instantaneous feedback and encouragement. I can wait for relationships to simmer and grow in real time. I can wait - and am still waiting - for my body to heal from illness without any guarantee or when or how. I can wait with less instead of impatiently craving and cramming in more. 

I'm sure you've come across these famous lines by Mary Oliver from her poem "Sometimes": 
Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it."

But what is she saying here? What does the whole poem speak of? Is it a glittery prompt to document our lived experiences for all to see? To labour over photographs and catchy descriptions on our digital devices? Or is it simply to remind herself - and us the readers - to sit with the present moment, however mundane or extraordinary, and drink it in. To savour the sublime ordinariness of grasshoppers and afternoon light, and the gifts of idleness and solitude, the messiness of faith and relationships. What if telling about it was just bearing witness to our own senses? To the stories and feelings of others in real time?

I used to live a life of squares
beautiful confines to capture
the seasons:

bread still steaming
children in play
flowers opening
kind of thing.

You saw what I saw
but you didn't see me
with my phone
body rigid and fingers
tapping the scene
heart hurting. 

What if paying attention
to my own body is the gift?
That it's enough to feel my senses
 hold the present:

clouds gathering,
jaw loosening, 
wind wavering
imperfect things.

I live a life off-grid now
a beautiful freedom to
​savour the seasons.
4 Comments
Madison link
11/2/2022 01:46:16 pm

Thankyou for this Emily. My reaction-instinct to take out my phone to make a picture, even if I don't share it anywhere, comes way too often. It's truly another layer of digital clutter in my life.
At the moment I wonder if I can leave the grid-world, while I look for jobs. In an unplanned way, the grid has become a part of my 'resume' of my capacity to be in the world. I am saddened by this, and still pondering ways to see if leaving is possible at this point. I'm so glad to hear that moving away from instagram has been a joy for you.

Your writing is calming and wonderful to read, so thanks again.
Madison

Reply
EmilyClare link
12/2/2022 01:34:09 pm

Madison, my dear! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here. I do get how enmeshed social media/IG is with work and networking now. We still have a business account for Hand to Ground which is so helpful for advertising markets etc. I think it’s expected you will have one.

So I know I am speaking from a privileged position to have been able to delete my personal account and also have this space to keep sharing writing and ideas on.

I would love to see some alternatives come up to IG that may cost something but have a focus on building community, conversation, social change, creativity and are less driven on maximising profits and pandering to paying clients (advertisers) ;

I loved reading Jaron Lanier’s books on this subject - philosophy meets politics and technology !

I see you have a blog, and I look forward to spending some time there reading your words. Take care.

Em xx

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Grace Sheehan
12/2/2022 06:06:45 am

So interesting to hear your thoughts on this topic. I ‘officially’ deactivated my Instagram account a year ago. During that time I reactivated here and there two or three times, for a week at a time (because it won’t let you deactivate again until a week has passed.. cheeky) and it is certainly more than enough time to get sucked right back in. Which I assume is their aim but I feel really silly for being so easily influenced. Do you ever feel that temptation to log back in? Or did you completely delete your account so that it wasn’t possible? It is hard to find the balance, however I know that the way it makes me feel does more harm than good. x

Reply
EmilyClare link
12/2/2022 01:42:40 pm

Hello dear Grace! So nice to hear from you and read your thoughts. I don’t think dilemmas around using IG is easily solved; we are social beings and do get a lot of positives out of interactions and sharing there ; but I think there are significant drawbacks that can keep up from joy and gratitude. At least that was my experience! In the two years before I deleted my account (completely wiped it) I had tried logging out regularly and even deactivating and reactivating a few times. It just didn’t work for me, I found the clean break was what I needed in the end. But I didn’t rush into it and chatted to Alex and other friends. One of the best places to start is to ask the questions “why am I here or why do I keep coming back here?”, “what does it provide socially or creatively or economically and could I get that elsewhere or differently?”, “what would be possible if I left completely? Would the relief and free time be worth what I lose in the process?” “What are my top values in life and how does IG align with them” // long winded reply I know! But that helped me.

We do have our business account which I log in on using Alex’s phone to post details of upcoming markets and check shop opening hours etc but I don’t scroll and interact apart from that. I don’t have the app or login on my phone and I am glad of that !

Hope you’re all going well xx

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    ABOUT the author 

    Emily Clare Sims is a farmer and mama to three young boys. Each day she looks for ways to notice beauty, contemplate her faith and savour the seasons...

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