I drove the boys up to Sydney with me for the beginning of the school holidays. Our cups were filled with the sublime - cousins and family, hugs with my mum, playground adventures, Lebanese pizza, salt water, sandy feet, urban sounds, city birds and glorious sun rays. Sydney will always be the place I grew up: the city I studied and explored on train, bike and foot. It's where I got married, where I discovered Arabic and jacarandas and heavy metal. Fostered faith, found friendship. It's loud and chaotic, overdeveloped and overwhelming, and the traffic makes me want to give up driving forever - but it's gloriously diverse, colorful and exciting. It's the ground on which I lived for two thirds of my life. I am glad to return and say to my children: this is the city where I was born //

Last weekend I had the enormous pleasure of getting away for my birthday with two dear friends. We booked accommodation at "Tarndie" - a heritage sheep farm about 2 hours drive from us - that produces it's own beautiful, soft woollen yarn. My friends are also keen knitters and crafters so we spent our days and nights drinking tea, chatting, eating good food and making by the fire. We also took walks around the farm and got to spy the gorgeous sheep... 

We returned last week from our holiday by the seaside. Our first time off the farm as a family for more than four years. We sunk our feet and hands into the warm sand.  We felt the cold rush of salt water over our bodies. We caught waves and watched tides come in and out. We explored rock pools and gathered seaweed. We found shells of many colours and sizes and sometimes ones with little whelk residents still inside. We watched the clouds roll and the water froth. We listened to the birds chattering in the gum trees. We walked under coastal teatree and huge banksia trees and flowering bottlebrush. We read books in bed and in the park and on the beach. We caught a ferry and saw a giant petrel take flight. We squished moon snail egg sacks in our hands and bought fresh squid from the market. A seal swam under our feet on the pier. We made a sand octopus and many a sand castle. We ate fish and chips too. We delighted again and agin in the gifts from the sea // 

May all God wants
to bless you with
come to be, and may
your inner mangers,
fresh with hope,
hold wonders of His love,
and splendors of His world,
and wisdoms of His word

May peace surround you,
behind and before you,
your words and work,
your hearth and kin,
and all the friends 
you haven't seen,
in your heart speak:
the prince of peace 

And as the trees of the field
clap their hands,
may you sing joy -
marvel in the clouds
bees and sprouting seeds
full plates and grubby chins,
jolly abandon
it all begins with love.

Oh God, You are mightier, kinder
and more merciful than we can ever imagine.

That I cannot fathom it all 
is a beautiful mystery to me.

I praise you with my whole being
from my top hairs to my toe tips:
every thought, feeling, fear,
hidden hurt and forgotten dream,

Lately I've been restless, struggling to sleep:
I lie awake in bed and wonder where you are
when so many cry out for help -
when so many suffer illnesses and injustices
that have no easy cure,
when your earth is dying,
dug up, burnt, polluted, ignored.

Worst of all, I think about
those who use your name
to cheat, to judge, to profit
to parade banners
of "us against them"
do they see the trenches they have fallen into?
do they feel the hard creases forming in their hearts?
​do I feel them forming in my own?
love, you said, love them -
love me, 
love each other,
love yourself -
love is enough, love is the reason.

Yes, I am heavy with your absence,
but at other times
I am overwhelmed with your presence:

You in the daffodil
every yellow cup a beacon of hope;
You in the fairy wren
greeting the day before it's fully light;
You in the sodden earth
soaking quietly the root and worm;
You in the wood fire
flames to warm us, consume and renew us;
You in the grey clouds
a safe shroud to sorrow in.

Grant us fresh eyes,
to see you, to see each other
truly, truly, truly.
Help us seek stories over opinions,
curiosity over assumptions, 
compassion over side-taking.

May we delight in your world
in new blades of grass
and blossom-scented breeze,
in the exurberance of young children
in the questions of the searching,
in molecular structures and fungal networks,
in perfectly ripe fruit and steaming cups of tea,
in the friendship of a pet, conversation face to face,
in cosmos, a bird in song -

Every heart wears the imprint
of you, of the mystery 
of being known, wanted
utterly loved,
an ancient map of grace:
of thriving in spite
of the mess.

A blessing from the winter sky:
blue crispness to smile under
grey shrouds to sorrow in

A blessing from the tall trees:
grey gum, golden wattle
shivering elm, naked oak

A blessing from the sparkling frost:
crunch of grass underfoot
bright sun upon your face

A blessing from the rain:
deep soaking of your soul
bulbs and seeds about to burst

A blessing from the dark earth:
slow work of worms
and webbing of roots

A blessing from the cold wind:
breath made visible
warmth of wood and wool
​
A blessing from the long night:
a welcome to your shadows
love enfolding sleep